IT is happening~~~~

IT ~ being the move.... I've got the truck, I've got the storage unit...

Will spend tomorrow boxing up the last of my stuff... deciding what stays and what goes..

The mental stress of this situation is taking it's toll on me. I am an emotional wreck. But I do know that in the long run, this is the only way out from under some of the financial issues. And I know I can drive a 15 ft moving truck now.....

I should be able to build up an actual savings account now... stash enough away to get a new place in a year or so... perhaps even move somewhere totally different...

The living room is a scattered terrain of boxes. I’m attempting to “organize” as I pack. Lot’s of stuff is “going away” as I go through and attempt to pack... YEA, RIGHT......

Among things that will not make it into storage is my couch, it has moved on to it's new home at a frat house.... I HATED THAT COUCH.

I actually don’t have a lot of furniture, there’s the afore mentioned hateful couch, the bed of course, dresser w/mirror, 3 shelves, kitchen table w/4chairs. The computer “desk” is also getting tossed. With a flat panel monitor I can go to a smaller one at my Mom’s. I’ve got the assorted tubs of “crafty stuff”. THEN THERE’S THE YARN.

Soooo, things going to Mom’s with me will be clothes of course, the computer and small desk. My yarn and all knitting stuff. I’ve got a smaller portable one that I can take, not that I’ve been doing any sewing.

The trick is going to be putting it in the storage room in a way that I could get to something if needed. HAHAHAHA. Yea, I’m nuts.

I will be taking some sort of REAL VACATION this summer. Maybe hoping on the Amtrak and going to New Orleans or somewhere.......

I wish sometimes that my brain had a direct connect to a PDA so that some of what goes on in my mind could be captured when it's fresh.... I have such great thoughts and ideas and plans and all kinds of wonderful words tumbling around inside.... when I'm driving, or just sitting outside staring at something or laying in bed, ...... and speaking of the later,

night all......

Procastination

Something I do well. It's easy to find things to do that keep me from doing what I need to be doing. I need to be packing and sorting and tossing shit out. But that ain't happening. It's depressing you know. Yes, you know.
I am seriously getting depressed. I'm just here, nothing more.

Knots

So I'm tying knots in my threads to put them back together. Don't ya just love crazy speak?

I saw my neurologist this week. I like that man less and less. Let me explain a few things about where I go, since the "medical center" is part of a university, there are of course medical students, residents, what ever you want to call them that see you first, then the "real" doc usually comes in. I get so very tired explaining the same damn thing over and over each visit. So I talk with the new guy, he notices that I was referred to a psychiatrist and ask how that is going. I laugh and said who the nurse call to make an apt was not taking new patience's until after the first of the year. Well, it was never followed up and I have not seen one. Nothing else was said about it. So much for that. So then the "real" doc comes in. He does his little "follow my finger, close your eyes, which hand am I touching, nose to finger, and so on" exam. We talked about my decision to stop taking the copaxone, I started having constant itching and I honestly think it was messing with me other ways that are hard to explain. Besides, it's not a CURE. There is no cure for Multiple Sclerosis. I was not happy with the visit at all. He was more interested in explaining shit to the med student than talking to me.
I'll call back next week and ask for a referral to a new doc.

Back to packing up boxes for the move.

No purpose

None at all. For the longest time I wandered here and there, searching for something unknown. Now I sit and wait for something to find me.
I am lost,
I search,
My threads are breaking.

Wrapped too damn tight

The threads that are holding my sanity in place are too tight.
I've been in full tilt bitch mode all damn week. If I thought it, I said it. Those asking how I was doing got told how annoyed I was at the people I worked with and the place I worked at. I honestly don't care about the job anymore. They only want my help after they have screwed it up. If they would ask before they screwed it up, I could tell them that this is how it's done and this is when it needs to be done by.

I have not been a nice person this week.

I've got an appointment with my neurologist next week. Too bad it's not this week. I'd really like to let loose on him. At least I have not ended up in tears like has happened in the past.

Monday again

Yes indeed it happens every week. Another fricking MONDAY. Except this one is missing an hour. damn daylight savings time. Ok so if we are "given" an extra hour of daylight why the hell is it called "savings time' We have not saved an hour, WE LOST AN HOUR. That's the government for you, getting is ass backwards.


There’s a sock KAL that I think I’m going to follow. I’ve wanted to try socks for a while now, and this seems like a good starting point. And for you non-knitters who don't have a clue what a KAL is, it's a KNIT A LONG. I've participated in one before for a shawl. It was a great help in learning to read knitting charts and getting the pattern a little bit each week made the project not seem so overwhelming.

The muscles are tight and tingly this morning and I'm having a hard time getting it together. But I guess I should try and get going.

Never as planned

I've spent the weekend sorting through a few boxes, getting ready to move. Did not get as much done as planned, never do. Today has been a total bust... I HATE daylight savings time. It screws with me something fierce. Morning are already difficult enough dealing with the MS, but take an hour away from me and I get totally screwed up. I honestly don't know how it's past 10 pm already. Seems every time I looked at the clock, more time had passed than it felt like. Of course sleeping till 10 did not help. Will have to double up the alarm clock in the morning, make sure I get up and get to work.

Now on the knitting end of things, I've knitted, but not really accomplished anything except figuring out my bright idea did not work. I thought I would make a small trinket bag using the "pi" shawl theory, and considering I'm lousy at math and have no clue how this theory actually works, I use a generic patter written by someone else. Pi shawls seem to be one of the current rages in the knitting community. They are done in the round, usually starting with 9 stitches on 3 double point needles, this is a royal pain in the A**, so I do it using one 40 inch circular needle via the magic loop method. Want to talk about keeping fine motor control working, that will do it. Anyway, I don't think I knitted enough rounds because my little bag looks freaky. It's round, like it should be, but did not do what I wanted it to. I may revisit the idea later. I've decided the project is on hold for a bit as the thought behind it is being reevaluated.

Since I managed to sleep till 10, I'm not really sleepy now... geeze.

I knit, therefore I am?

ok, yea, that's probably been said before.
For me knitting is a form of therapy, both mental and physical. By focusing on a knew knitting pattern, I can, at least for a bit, block out or forget the stress in my life.
It also helps with fine motor control that can Multiple Sclerosis can rob one of. There are days when no amount of knitting can make my fingers work like they are supposed to. But by continuing with the manipulation of yarn around sharp pointy sticks, it at least keeps my plaque ridden brain sending signals through scarred nerves to my fingers.
And it's been very much an MS week.

Threads that hold my mind in place

So here's one more blog for the world to read.
Introducing myself is easier said than done because I have not figured that out yet. I've had several blogs over the years, from general rantings to downright insane thoughts that run through my mind that need to escape to somewhere, so they end up on sites like this.

One of the evils that plague me is Multiple Sclerosis. One of the things that keeps me sane is my obsession with string/thread and pointy sticks. Yea, I knit. I do a lot of stringy things in addition to knitting. I also tat, not with a needle and ink, but with a shuttle and thread. I can sit for hours playing with my pointy sticks or my tatting shuttle creating things out of thread and yarns.

Too many random thoughts running through my brain right now, jumping from one thing to another, so I'll come back later and release some of them into words here.